i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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