If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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