Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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