she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
