i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
