I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
