I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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