What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
