i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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