erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You should frame my arrest warrant.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
