You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize