I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
