Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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