Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
