well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
