can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
