watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
