I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
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He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
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She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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