Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
