i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
