Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
