Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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