The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
