You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
