i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
