We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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