i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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