she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
