If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
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