I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
