he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
