Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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