Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
