butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
