I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
