i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
