He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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