First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i would punch a child for taco bell
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
