i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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