you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
