My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
