Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Panties = found
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
