Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
