I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
