you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
