legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
