ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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