I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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