his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
What drink are we having for lunch?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
