Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
