I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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