Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
