Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Ladies don't puke and tell
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
